So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The ass gains better be worth it
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