I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
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I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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