your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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