ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
