cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
