You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
