I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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