I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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