I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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