I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
