i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
