If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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