Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
