at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
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A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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