i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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