So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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