You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
