I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
