Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
