tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
