I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He better not be in your backpack
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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