he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
