how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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