i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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