You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Say something about gay babies.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
