i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
