I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
