Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You took a bar mat shot.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
