If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
