Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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