you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
