I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
