I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
