there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
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I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
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donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.