I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!