My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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