Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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