I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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