but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
