Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
