I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
