Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
