I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
