my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
