Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
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The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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