there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
