i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
