She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went