I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
we should paint friendship bongs
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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