I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
