I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...