Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Randomize
