My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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