If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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