I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
