Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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