she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Randomize