She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize