walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
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He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
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I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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