Michael Bay diarrhea
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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