come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
