Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
