there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
