Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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