apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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