mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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