Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
