she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
