I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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